The 2 Voices of God

I have been a fulltime missionary since 1997. Since I left college. It’s been 16 years. And an awesome 16 years. I have gone all around the world, and the Lord has always provided for everything I needed. Out of those 16 years, I was single for 9. And now I am married with 4 wonderful kids, the youngest of which is currently in the hospital.


Maria is on her 9th day in the hospital today. She was admitted for pneumonia (easily caught by premature babies). And she is in the nursery in isolation. Des goes there everyday to breastfeed, and leaves enough milk to last overnight. Everyday for 9 days we go to the hospital by 6am, and go home by 6pm. My wife is strong and amazing.

And Maria is getting better. We were hoping to bring her home tomorrow (Day 10) but the doctor has advised us to let her stay until Day 14 so that all the sounds from her lungs will be completely gone. Maria is getting bigger and fatter, and I am grateful for that, but so is the hospital bill (getting bigger and fatter LOL).

And in my mind, there are two voices speaking to me (am I schizophrenic? No I’m not. Yes you are).

So what do I listen to? The voice of God telling me that He will take care of us and He will provide. Or His voice telling me that He helps those who help themselves? I know that everyone, especially those serving the Church or other Catholic communities full time, go through this. And go through it a lot: when funds are the issue, most specially. And I am going through it now.

The bill of Maria is climbing. On Day 5 it was almost P50,000. So just say it’s P10,000 a day, then we can expect it to be P140,000 by the time we leave. Minus our doctor’s professional fee. The credit cards can handle the charge. But what happens after that?

I know God will provide. One tito from CFC FFL who works in the hospital helped us by applying us for a discount (thank you!). There are some benefits from the Home Office that I can get. And the rest, well, waiting for God’s providence to manifest itself. It always does. From simple things in my life, he has always been faithful. So why not in big things like this? Of course, as I say this, I am also clinging on to that hope that it is true.

I am not discounting the other train of thought that maybe these are signs of the times. Signs to move on to something else that will help ME provide better for my family. I want Des to stay at home and take care of the Fantastic Four. And I am sure that is the right thing to do. Family first. Everything’s a possibility at the moment. We continue to discern.

Continue to pray for Maria. And for our family. We continue to be united in love, hope and faith that everything will turn out awesome. God is definitely in control. We just have to take a cue from the name of our beautiful daughter: Faith Maria. Have the faith of Mary. That “be it done unto me according to your word”.


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